Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
