i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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