i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
