At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
