I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize