I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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