Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize