did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
