We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
