I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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