went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
