wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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