Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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