i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
