im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
