just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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