I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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