If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize