you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
