the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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