i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize