you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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