I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just cropdusted the office
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Randomize
