You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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