Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
