Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
