this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
