i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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