Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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