dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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