stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
