I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
