are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize