Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
