I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
