there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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