he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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