I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
