DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
