I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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