Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
