so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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