One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
