The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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