Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
