Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
