And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
