he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
