3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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