He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
