She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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