dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
