Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
