Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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