So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
