So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
