she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
