ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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