Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize